Lavender Zig-Zags

I am not fashionable. I read fashion blogs and my Instagram feed is full of fashionistas.

When I was young, I’d pour over the pages of magazines: Cosmo, Elle, Seventeen, Vogue – anything I could beg or borrow. Back then, I thought if I did I could crack the code I could learn to look like, well, a normal person, and then maybe I could camouflage all the awkward mannerisms and hide the embarrassing things that I liked (like aliens and monsters) that apparently made me too much of a dweeb to have friends.

It didn’t though.

I never had the grace or beauty that goes with models or the effortless sense of style that some people come by naturally. Some people just seem to know how to put an outfit together or what to do with their hair and make-up.

I like what I like and I used to believe that what I like made me all wrong because it didn’t fit the mold.

Handmade, upcycled, or generally unique pieces speak to me. So do black, very dark shades of gray, and dusty earthy tones. Dressing’s about expressing yourself. It’s art that you wear, whether it’s just your favorite kicks and a tracksuit or the latest designer original.

When I was a kid, I wanted to emulate those around me to fit in, but when you get right down to it both frilly dresses and strict business formal both feel the same way to me: Like I’m cosplaying someone else.

If I’m being honest, full Goth attire feels that way to me, too. I’m a bit more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Auntie-core and quite a lot less Lydia Deets straight out goth, at least as I’ve gotten older.

Simple, practical clothes are most comfortable for me. Give me jeans and a tee-shirt, and maybe a sweater if it’s cold, and I’m happy, as long as it can go with me from the convention hall, down to the river, on the bike, or out to my garden. I’m pretty much the little artsy geek girl next door, and I’m good with myself just the way I am.

There’s something that keeps me trying to keep at least a veneer of “normal” on my clothes, mostly because it’s easier to dress and go if I mostly don’t have to think about whether or not a shirt is appropriate to where I’m going. Pay no attention to the skull necklace and spiked earrings I’m wearing; Look at the french blue polo and the nice black cardigan.

Still, sometimes it’s nice when what I like also turns out to be stylish. I’ve been positively giddy about the current trend for crocheted things, and that lavender has come back on-trend.

I can work with that.