Leaking

I only shower right before dressing changes. That way if there’s a problem (read: dressing failure), I’m already scheduled to go in for a dressing change. On off days I sponge bath and use baby wipes to stay clean.

I hate it. I want to feel safe to shower whenever I please. I don’t, though. I’m terrified of showering. I discovered my incision had broken open after a shower and every time I shower, no matter how carefully I do, I’m afraid I’m going to be patting my belly dry and come up with a towel full of blood again.

Tonight I had a mini panic. I found serious fluid on the front of my underwear as I was throwing them into the hamper after my shower tonight. My dressing has been leaking, but the vac hasn’t been alarming. In theory, it’s still okay, but call me paranoid.  I don’t trust the incision to really be healing. I don’t trust that it won’t break open.

When it first broke open, I put my hand in the wound to check to make sure that my guts weren’t falling out before I decided whether I was calling my surgeon to tell them I was going the ER or that I needed to come down to see them. It was a real risk at that point.

I don’t trust the incision to really be healing. I don’t trust that it won’t break open again. It was like living my own private horror show and until everything’s all closed up, it won’t really be over.

I had a little freak out because I showered oblivious to the fact that the dressing was leaking. Had I known, I would have reinforced things before showering. Instead, I was left with very carefully patting my belly dry and pressing down the existing dressing before reinforcing it to try to make it the 8-ish hours until my dressing change appointment.

Hopefully, I’ve done a good enough job that I won’t wake up to the unit alarming and have to do a wet to dry dressing in the middle of the night. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to sleep instead of sitting up worrying about whether or not the Bellysucker 9000 is going to alarm.

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