On Monday I went back to the doctor with my surgical incision, hoping that we would be able to move to the next stage of care: Packing with saline soaked gauze instead of antiseptic gauze. My hopes were for naught. While the doctor did tell me that things were improved, they were not improved enough to move to the next phase and we still ended up debriding the wound.
It’s been very disappointing.
AJ has still been a complete champ about packing the wound for me, because I’m not enough of a contortionist to pack it for myself, but I have shame about the whole situation. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Everything was supposed to be 100% smooth sailing, despite the fact that I had a whole organ removed.
I know logically there was nothing I could have done differently. I know that I can’t stand in front of the mirror to pack it because I will bleed on the floor. I can’t get a mirror angled correctly to see to pack it if I’m lying on my back on the floor to keep the blood in the wound.
I’m terrified that I’m going to split open further. I’m terrified that my intestines are going to fall out, despite the fact that the Doctor says that my abdominal wall is healed and there’s no danger of it. Every time I look at the wound, I have these mental images, these sick fantasies, that something terrible is going to happen. Guts fall out. Massive putrification. Cthulhu monster escapes from the dark depths of my belly wound.
All I can do is make sure we repack the wound twice a day and hope that antiseptic and 7 inch cotton swabs are enough to defend against Cthulhu monsters.
I go back on Friday of this week to be re-evaluated again. Hopefully I’ll make better progress this time.