Monthly Archives: June 2017

Carpe dat diem

“The trouble is, you think you have time” — Jack Kornfield

but you don’t.

Time is the one commodity in our lives we can’t make more of when we’re out. Once it’s gone it’s gone. That’s it.

So get up and carpe dat diem already.

The upcoming viewing plans

I’m so far behind on movie watching and show viewing that am pretty much the last geek girl in America who hasn’t seen Wonder Woman. My friend Tim and I are planning to go tomorrow night. I’m hopeful, but my initial impression of the first trailer was “WWI Captain America with Boobies,” so I’m not that hopeful despite all the hype. (Please be good.)

As for other movie viewing, I’m starting to plan my post operative recovery viewing – things that I know the roommate won’t dig, so I don’t have to worry about any kind of charges of “DVD Adultery” while I’m watching. So far the list is as follows:

  • Another – This comes highly recommended from Tim (of the above viewing of Wonder Woman,) so I’m expecting creepy/good anime things from it.
  • Ash vs the Evil Dead– Yeah, I know. Take away my @groovybruce fanclub card, but I haven’t had time to actually sit down and enjoy anything, let alone a full series with multiple seasons. Bad fan-girl. No autograph when he comes to Iowa City to promote his latest book in September. (Yes, there is so much squee in my heart right now that I could about pass out from it.)
  • I, Zombie – I’m a season or two behind. Might be a good opportunity to catch up.
  • Train to Busan – this has been on my list since I saw a review of in January. Actually getting solo viewing time to watch it is a bonus.

Not much of a list so far, but with three seasons of Ash vs the Evil Dead to work through, that will slow me down a bit. Likewise, Another is supposed to have layers that might require a second watching. I could still probably use one or two more things to round out my list.

Also, I’m noticing it’s a little zombie heavy. Not that I mind living on Channel Z, as it were, but classic monsters fan ought to have a bit more depth of monster viewing.

What other things should I consider for my list?

Future life delayed on account of current life

Everything is in a perpetual state of waiting for the next thing before things can start. I feel stuck in eternal stasis, watching everything go by me. There are things that can’t done until:

After My Birthday. My birthday has come and gone.

Next Weekend. Was supposed to be next weekend last week, but this last weekend turned into another spiral of obligations, duties, and just trying to find the brainspace to think after a long week of work.

I had these dreams. I wanted to be a famous writer. I wanted to be happily married with a family and a dog. I wanted to fly jets.

I grew up to be a loser.

Okay, so I have the dog. She thinks I’m a loser, too.

Now it’s wait until After The Fourth of July because that’s the next big social event, After My Surgery because that’s my next big limiting life event, After I Pay Off My Debt because that’s where all the money goes, and After I Lose 100 Lbs because I’m too fat to love.

It’s never. Part of me is screaming that it’s never and I just need to actual own that my life is what it is and it’s never going to be any different.

I hate that bitch . It’s not like nothing is happening.

My actual life is pretty good. I have a stable home life and good friends. (Though sometimes I do really miss romance.)

The day job is full of great coworkers and brimming with opportunities. I like what I do and I have places to grow.

I’ve got some writing momentum going. I wrote about half a chapter of the book (actual writing) and I know where the rest of the chapter goes. Even know where the story goes.

I started walking again, though not regularly enough. I started keeping a food journal again because I eat my feelings. (When I am sad my feelings taste like Pepsi, mostly, with a side of Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. Occasionally they taste like cake.)

It’s just so damned slow and I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life trying to make this one be what I want it to be here and now instead of tossing out the things that aren’t working for me.

I need to Konmari my life.

Is that even possible? Thank the things that have been a part of my life that are weighing me down and leave them for others who may find joy in them? And if I do try something like this where do I even begin?