That breathing thing

I like to think there’s a moment in everyone’s life where they realize that there’s some aspect of their health they cannot get under control without medical intervention. Maybe it’s critical, acute illness that sweeps them to the emergency room. For me, it’s that breathing thing that everyone else seems to do without any problems.

I went back to the doctor again with this bronchitis/asthma loop that I’m stuck in and asked for a controller medication. It felt like a defeat to do it. I mean, it’s breathing. How hard can it be?

Pretty damned hard, actually.

I don’t smoke.While I do have allergies and live with four fuzzy allergens, I take an allergy med and don’t let the pets sleep in my room. I take my rescue inhaler before exercising. It shouldn’t be that hard. It’s been really hard. I spent the night before my doctor’s appointment using every trick I know for holding an asthma attack at bay because I knew I had an appointment in the morning and I didn’t want to pay for a trip to the emergency room.

I got lucky and it worked.

That said, I don’t ever want to spend another night like that. It was like the plane trip back from Athens, trying to just stay calm and keep the hot caffeinated beverages flowing in because I didn’t actually have a rescue inhaler at that point. It was before I was diagnosed with adult asthma. Only this time, I was dosing with the rescue inhaler, too.

Air goes in and out. Blood goes round and round. Any deviation from that is a problem. That’s the first rule of Emergency Medical Services. The air was not going in. When I could get it in, it didn’t want to stay in. Stay calm. Lay propped up. Picture the ocean. Picture not drowning in the ocean. Picture a warm breeze going in and flowing out. Drink another cup of tea. Relax. Relax. Relax. Count to four in. Count to eight out. Relax.

Things are bad enough we started with Symbicort. That’s a pretty serious prescription. Normally I would fight against a prescription of this type, but I need to breathe. The breathing thing, it’s not something I can just do without. Not without a fight.

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One thought on “That breathing thing

  1. Jim Maxted

    You are absolutely correct. It’s a lot like grieving. You deny it. Then you’re angry and so on until you finally accept that you must live with it the best you can.


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