Belly update – slowly improving

We removed the last bits of the necrotic tissue today. My medical team is impressed with AJ’s skill in packing wounds. I’m so lucky to have her. I return to the doctor on Monday for re-evaluation. Hopefully we can move to packing with saline solution and a wound care nurse to help get things closed back up.

For what it’s worth, everything looks pretty much normal and pink now and Dr. Roommate is no longer making icky-poo-poo face when she’s packing it.

Please, let it stay normal and keep healing so we can move forward on Monday.

I should be more positive about the progress, but I’m very tired of being The Walking Wounded. The wet/dry pack that we’re doing means that I’m always just a little damp. Imagine having spilled just a little on your jeans so you feel marginally clammy, but it’s not enough to go get paper towels to dry it off – it needs to just air dry. Now imagine that it never quite dries, because you’re always spilling just a little on your jeans, so it never dries. The cover dressing helps absorb some of the liquid (read: the solution we soak the packing gauze in), but it’s not enough.

My skin around the wound is covered in tape burns despite our best efforts to minimize it. My goal is now “just make it stick.” If we tear up my skin more, that’ll heal more easily than the surgical wound.

If ever there was a thing to make a person feel like they’re being punished for the sin of glutony, this is it. I have seen my fat. I know that if I were thin, this wound would not be nearly so bad. Fatness didn’t cause this, but it sure as hell doesn’t help it.

I want to cry from shame every time I look into the wound to assess it’s progress.

When I’m healed, there will be lasting lifestyle changes. Body positivity is all well and good, but there is something to be said for being the most healthy I can be, too. I don’t believe my body weight is as healthy as it could be. I just want to be a better me, whatever that turns out to be.

Right now, I’m doing what I’m medically allowed: going for walks and making the most healthy meal choices I can make.

The good news (can we call it that?) is that my old appetite hasn’t come back. I don’t feel hungry nearly as often as I did before the hysterectomy and I find myself satiated with smaller portions. I’ve also found it much easier to avoid soda in general. Once a week, on game night, I indulge in a 12oz ginger beer, but I don’t really want anything like that any other time.

The bad news is that I’m having to learn to plan meals around what I now am willing to eat portionwise. That’s proving something of a challenge. How do I get enough nutrients in the volume of food that I’m willing to consume? I’ve started scouring the internet for new recipes. EatingWell.com has become something of a new favorite. Everything I’ve tried from there works, is nutritionally balanced, and tastes good.

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